


Soothing

by EveJobs



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Altered States, Dubious Consent, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Tentacles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-02 14:15:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4063024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EveJobs/pseuds/EveJobs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper has a panic attack. Bill wants to "help".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was going to be one of _those_ nights. Dipper could feel it. He had already been tossing and turning for the better part of an hour. Weren’t beds supposed to be comfortable? Despite his past experiences, he found himself wishing that he could just turn off gravity for a while, float in the air and feel nothing pushing against him, putting pressure on him, constricting him… even the air was starting to feel heavy on his chest.

Thoughts were starting to race uncontrollably through his head. It felt like he didn’t even have time to grasp most of what he was thinking, like some sort of filter had been removed and his subconscious was flooding in, drowning Dipper in a stream of half-formed nonsense. He had to find something to hold on to.

Dipper checked his pulse. He was never quite sure if this action was actually calming, or if it made everything worse, but the compulsion was too strong to resist in any case. Was that a missed beat? He increased the pressure of his fingers against the side of his throat, to the point where it almost hurt, trying to find that reassuring rhythm of blood pumping through his veins.

From the other side of the room, he could hear the soft, regular breathing sounds of his twin sister Mabel, already fast asleep. Her silhouette was barely visible in the darkness that covered the room like a blanket, stifling Dipper’s breath and threatening to swallow him up into nothingness.

He wanted nothing more than to walk across the room and shake his sister awake, to be comforted and told that _he was going to be fine._ But he couldn’t. Not again. She deserved better than to be woken up in the middle of the night because of this bullshit. No, he had to deal with this himself.

It was nothing. He was being stupid. _I’m a perfectly healthy nineteen-year-old. I have battled countless supernatural creatures, monsters and even demons, and I survived. There is absolutely no way that I’m going to just die in my sleep from a heart attack, or whatever the fuck I’m imagining this to be._

Unfortunately, this was not a battle to be won with rationality.

Breathe. He had to breathe. The oppressive weight on his chest became heavier, expanding to his shoulders and constricting his throat. Sucking in shallow breaths, he started to feel a tingling sensation on his lips and the tip of his nose, gradually spreading out over his entire face.

His free hand shot up to pinch his left cheek, but the resulting pain was dull and barely noticeable. Instead, the numbness seemed to transfer into his hands and started slowly creeping down his arms.

 _Fuck, this isn’t good._ A cold shockwave rolled through his body, pooling in his stomach. He bolted upright in his bed and started shaking his arms out in front of him, hoping to return some feeling to his limbs, but with little success. But he needed, he _needed_ to feel something, _anything_. Following a desperate impulse, he moved his right hand to his mouth and bit down on the skin between his thumb and index finger. Hard.

Pain flooded through his hand, replacing the numbness with sweet relief. It wasn’t enough. He could still feel the tingling in his face, the heaviness constricting around his throat, his pulse hammering in his neck as if the blood vessels were about to burst.

He had to focus on the only thing that was still under his control. Biting down harder, sinking his teeth into the delicate skin until it broke. His mind zeroed in on the metallic, salty taste filling his mouth and the sharp, throbbing pain in his hand, as if they were the only things in existence. Nothing else mattered anymore.

Dipper couldn’t recall how long he kept sitting like this, eyes closed, suckling on the self-inflicted wound and gently rocking his upper body back and forth. The bleeding had stopped after a while, and the pain was beginning to fade as well. Suddenly, he felt an urge to get up and move.

The floorboards creaked as he stood up on shaking legs. He could hear Mabel turning around in her bed, murmuring something unintelligible. Dipper froze and caught his breath. _Shit, I have to be more careful, or I’ll wake her._

Suddenly, he felt a pang of guilt. Mabel would want to know, would want to help him. She was actually pretty great at it. Maybe it was one of those twin things, that made her instinctively know exactly what Dipper needed to calm down. Sometimes it was distraction, playing games or watching one of their favorite childhood movies together while drinking hot cocoa. Other times, she would make up mystery stories, challenging Dipper to find all the clues and solve the case. He’d get so lost in it that he forgot all about what made him feel bad in the first place.

And then there were times when distraction just wasn’t enough; when all she could do was to simply be there by his side, telling him over and over that he was going to be okay. Offering sibling comfort, but also staying the distance when he needed it.

Dipper felt his eyes welling up at the memories. He just couldn’t stand it anymore. He hated how weak he had become. Was he ever going to get better? At this point, it didn’t seem likely. How long would it be before he started dragging his sister down with him? He knew she would never admit to it, but he had noticed her frustration. No matter how hard she tried, she could never _fix_ him, not truly. It was only a matter of time until she would start resenting herself for it.

Dipper let out a slow, quiet breath and started sneaking towards the door. As he pushed down on the door handle, a sharp pain bolted through his hand. He winced. _I should probably do something about that._ After carefully closing the door behind him, he made his way to the upstairs bathroom.

 _Man, I’m a mess._ His reflection stared back at him out of the bathroom mirror with sunken eyes, disheveled hair and skin as white as a sheet. Dipper splashed some water in his face to get rid of the sheen of sweat on his forehead. He then proceeded to check out his hand. It didn’t look quite as bad as he had feared, but there was definitely a distinctive bite mark on it. How the hell was he going to explain this to Mabel?

Dipper felt the panic creeping back up on him. His hands started to tremble. _No no no, I just managed to calm myself down. I can’t go down this rabbit hole again._ First things first, he needed to find some bandages. Luckily, there were some in the medicine cabinet.

Dipper sat down on the edge of the bathtub and started rolling the thin mesh around his hand. He found himself wrapping the fabric a little tighter than he really needed to, relishing the feeling of control it gave him. There was something incredibly calming about the pressure around his wrist. He kept rolling the bandage down around his arm, pulling it even tighter until it was almost painful. Dipper let out a shaky sigh that turned into a weak laugh. “What the fuck is wrong with me?” he whispered to himself.

“Beats me, kid, but it sure is fun to watch!” an all too familiar voice intoned out of nowhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I actually started writing this while I was having a panic attack as a way to cope. Then it turned into BillDip because I'm terrible like that.
> 
> I have more chapters planned, but I'm a very slow writer, so don't expect this to update fast. The rating might change.
> 
> Also, quick PSA: Kids, when you have a panic attack, don't bite your hand. In fact, don't harm yourself in any way. There are much better ways to cope. Look it up on the internet. Okay, PSA over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill wants to help Dipper with his problem. Dipper isn't so sure.

Dipper jolted up and hastily scanned the room. All the color had been drained from his surroundings. How had he not noticed that sooner? However, he still appeared to be alone.

“Bill?” he called out, clenching his fists and going into a fighting stance. “Show yourself, I know you’re in here!”

“Well, I did just announce myself to you, Pine Tree. Great observation skills there,” the disembodied voice answered, “But fine. Have a good look in the mirror lately? You look terrible!”

Dipper’s eyes snapped to the mirror and he almost let out a scream. His mirror image was smiling back at him with a toothless grin and hollow eyes, thick streams of blood running out of the empty sockets. He was so taken aback at the horrific image that it took him a moment to notice that Bill Cipher was materializing right behind the back of his head. Jumping, he stumbled forwards and clumsily turned around to face the floating triangle demon.

“What are you doing here? I thought we banished you!” Dipper exclaimed, trying to keep his voice steady.

The demon squinted his eye in amusement. “Well, let’s just add that to the long list of things you’re wrong about, kid” he said, snapping his fingers and producing a parchment scroll titled _Pine Tree’s Mistakes_ out of thin air. “Oh wow, this thing goes on _forever,_ ” Bill mocked as he unrolled the seemingly infinite scroll. Ever the mystery hunter, Dipper found himself trying to make out the scribbled notes. But just as he thought he spotted the name _Stanley,_ the demon snapped his fingers again and the parchment burst into flames and disappeared.

“As to what I’m doing here,” Bill continued, twirling his trademark yellow cane around, “I was feeling bored and thought I’d stop by to torment you a little! Of course,” he stopped and pointed the cane at Dipper’s hand, the bandages now hanging loosely to the floor, “you seem to be doing a pretty good job of that on your own!”

Dipper groaned. It figured that Bill wouldn’t give him a straight answer. Somehow he doubted that the dream demon would suddenly show up again after seven years simply because he was ‘feeling bored’. Something was very off about Bill’s behavior. Why wasn’t he angry? After all that had happened back in that fateful summer of 2012, Dipper would have expected him to pretty much rip his head off on sight.

“I hope you don’t expect me to actually believe that,” Dipper said, trying to sound more self-assured than he felt, “If you’re not going to answer me, fine. Just leave me alone. I’m not in the mood for… whatever this is, right now.”

“You wound me, Pine Tree!” Bill said in mock indignation, “After all this time I thought you’d be happy to see an old friend!”

“You’re not my friend, Bill.” Dipper interjected.

“Oh, I beg to differ.” Bill lowered his voice, hovering closer. “And it seems to me you could use a friend right now, considering the _situation_ you’re in.”

Dipper took a step back and tried to control his breathing. All of this wasn’t exactly helping his condition. His stomach cramped up as a mixture of fear and embarrassment washed over him. Here he was, standing face to face with his old arch-nemesis, and yet there was still that little voice in the back of his head going _but what if I’m dying right now, for real? What if I just pass out right now, and die, and then I can’t warn the others that Bill is back and he will probably hurt them, or worse._ He knew that he should be worrying about the danger in front of him, not the danger that was probably not even real and just all in his stupid head. He needed to get Bill to leave, before he made himself even more vulnerable.

“Look,” Dipper said, mustering up his resolve, “just tell me what you want from me. I really don’t have time to play your games right now.”

“Oh, you’re no fun.” Bill snapped his fingers and Dipper could feel himself getting lighter and floating off of the ground. “Just relax, kid, I’m offering to help you out here!”

“I don’t need your help!” Dipper snapped at the demon, “And I’m not going to make a deal with you again!”

“Who said anything about a deal?” Bill moved in closer to Dipper, who was now floating a good three feet above the ground, unable to get away. The demon grabbed his right hand and began unrolling the rest of the bandages. “Wow, you really did a number on yourself there. I wonder what Shooting Star would say if she saw this!”

Dipper let out a small whine as Bill prodded at the open wound, but managed to keep his hand steady. “Is this your idea of helping?” he hissed between gnashed teeth.

“Okay, kid, let me lay it out for ya.” Bill let go of Dipper’s hand and unceremoniously threw the bandages behind him. “I’m going to fix you up. Just this once, no strings attached.” As the demon talked, their surroundings slowly faded away and Dipper found himself floating in a vast featureless landscape. “All you have to do is relax and let me do my thing!” Bill concluded, eyeing Dipper expectantly.

Dipper looked around nervously. They seemed to have gone to the mindscape, but which mind were they in? There were no discernable landmarks anywhere, just an endless stretch of grey tundra. Something wasn’t quite right about this place, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

“Why would I trust you, Bill?” he said, “After everything that happened? You obviously have some sort of secret agenda!”

Bill rolled his eye. “Your _trust_ isn’t required, kid.”

The demon raised his arms in a summoning manner. A loud rumbling filled the air as the ground beneath Dipper cracked open, several thick vines bursting through the cracks. The black tendrils grew rapidly, coiling around the teen’s arms and legs. Their surface felt cool and smooth against his skin, with just enough grip to keep him from slipping out.

Dipper squirmed against his restraints, but the vines – or tentacles? It was hard to tell - just reacted by tightening around his limbs, holding him firmly in place. He groaned in frustration.

“Do you like my little friends?” Bill teased, sounding obnoxiously pleased with himself.

“What the fuck, Bill?” Dipper exclaimed, “This is weird even for you.”

“Oh boy, you sure have spiced up your language since we last met! I’m really liking this new adult version of you! Now let’s see…” Bill moved in closer and put his hand on Dipper’s neck. Startled, the boy tried his best to move out of the way of the demon’s touch, craning his head back as far as he could. Bill shot him an annoyed look and suddenly there were more vines crawling up the back of his neck and head, looping around his forehead to make any further movement impossible.

As Bill’s digits pressed into the side of his neck, Dipper became painfully aware of his own heartbeat. He could feel it pounding against his chest, as if his heart was furiously trying to escape his own body. _This is it_ , he thought. _This is how I die._ He closed his eyes, letting the inevitability of his situation sink in.

“Whoa, what is going on with you, kid? Your body is acting all weird.” Bill pulled his hand away. He almost sounded… concerned? No, that couldn’t be right. Dipper was losing his grip on reality. If you could call this place reality. Eyes still closed, Dipper felt like his mind was drifting away, his body and his consciousness becoming uncoupled. All that remained was a feeling of pure, unrestrained _fear_.

A sudden slap to the face brought him back into presence. Dipper’s eyes snapped back open to the sight of a very annoyed demon. “Stay with me, Pine Tree. I can’t do this if you just decide to take a stroll out of your own body. Aren’t you supposed to be attached to this meatsuit of yours?”

Dipper found himself beyond caring at this point. “Just… stop talking”, he managed weakly, “if you really want to ‘help’ me, do it. Do it or leave me alone.”

“Now THAT’s what I like to hear! Glad to see you come to your senses!” Bill suddenly seemed to glow ten times brighter than usual, his voice giddy with excitement. _Well, that can’t be good,_ Dipper thought.

Before he could even start regretting his decision, his thoughts were interrupted by the abrupt movement of his restraints coming back to life and snaking their way further down and around his limbs, winding themselves up even tighter. Simultaneously, more vines started growing in from all sides, sneaking under his pajama shirt, wrapping around his torso, his neck, even braiding through his hair and pulling at it gently.

Dipper knew that he should have been alarmed by this development, but for some reason it felt… good. Something about the pressure against him, the complete inability to move, the gentle massaging as the mysterious appendages trailed their way across his body… he let out a breath of relief that he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding.

Then, one of the smaller vines snaked its way into Dipper’s mouth. The sudden intrusion startled him out of his trance-like state. _Oh, hell no._ His first instinct was to bite down on the intrusive tendril, severing it completely. Dipper spit out the remaining part in disgust. For a brief moment, he could see Bill’s body flashing red, but he seemed to compose himself quickly.

“I changed my mind! Let me go!” Dipper started struggling again. Maybe if he focused on just getting one of his limbs free-

“Still not ready to calm down, huh?” Bill said, “Don’t worry, I’ve got just the thing.”

More vines started wrapping around his head, locking it firmly in place so that Dipper couldn’t even move his neck anymore. He let out a panicked yelp as he saw, from the corner of his eye, one particularly thick vine making its way towards his mouth again. This turned out to be the wrong reaction, as the appendage took the opportunity to lunge itself straight into his mouth, prying it open even further with its girth.

The scream that ripped through Dipper would have been ear-shattering if it hadn’t been muffled by the vine that was gagging him. He tried biting down on it again, but it was too thick and dense for him to do any actual damage. As Dipper’s teeth sank into the appendage, a viscous liquid started oozing out of it. The liquid was warm and sickly sweet, and Dipper tried not to swallow it, but with his jaw being pried open there was no way for him to stop it from slowly seeping down his throat.

The liquid left a burning sensation on its path, making Dipper’s eyes water as he let out garbled choking noises. If he wasn’t freaking out before, he sure as hell was freaking out now. He couldn’t breathe, his throat was on fire and his jaw was starting to seriously hurt from the uncomfortable position it was being held in. In his desperation, Dipper shot a pleading look at Bill, his eyes as wide as saucers, trying to communicate with his mind, _let me go. Please._ The demon just stared at him, uncharacteristically silent, looking as if he was concentrating very hard on something.

As the mysterious liquid reached Dipper’s stomach, it was quickly absorbed into his bloodstream. Dipper could feel a warm, tingling sensation spread throughout his whole body. His mind was becoming hazy, as if wrapped in cotton, all the unpleasant sensations from before now barely registering anymore. He closed his eyes, trying to concentrate.

What had he been so worried about again? Dipper found that he couldn’t hold on to his memories of before. He didn’t really want to. All that mattered was the moment, and in this moment, he felt GREAT.

His whole body was buzzing and flooding with warmth, deliciously burning and pulsing through him. There was something in his mouth, something familiar, something possibly dangerous, but he couldn’t quite remember what it was, or why it was there. All he knew was that it tasted like heaven, it gave him life and he _needed_ it, biting down harder, sucking all the sweet fluid from it, relishing the way it set his throat ablaze.

There was something glowing in front of him, it was growing brighter and brighter and Dipper cracked his eyes back open. Oh, right. Bill. Him, he remembered. The demon was pulsing with light, still staring at Dipper intently, and Dipper suddenly found himself smiling at him. Yes, he remembered now. Bill was the one helping him! Somewhere in the back of his mind, a small voice yelled at Dipper, _no, he can’t be trusted,_ but Dipper pushed it away in annoyance.

Bill started floating over to Dipper’s hand, and he followed him with his gaze, barely noticing that his head was no longer restricted from moving. As he looked at his own hand, he realized with a shock that his arm was glowing from the inside. The light moved through him with the beat of his pulse, shining dimly through his skin, pooling at the part of his hand that was still gaping open.

Dipper stared in wonder as his flesh began kneading itself back together, tingling and shining brightly, and within seconds there was no mark left on his hand, only smooth, glowing skin. The tingling sensation spread from there through his hand and into his fingertips, and Dipper realized with a start that even his chewed up fingernails were growing back, as well as the bits of skin around them, that he was used to picking off when he was nervous.

A sort of shockwave started going through Dipper, starting from his healed hand and rolling over the rest of his body. He could feel himself getting renewed, and he knew that his whole body was shining now, pulsing with light, and as the sensation travelled to his head it felt as though a switch had been hit. The last thing he registered was Bill’s voice.

“You’re welcome, Pine Tree! Sweet dreams!”

And with that, Dipper lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, this turned out different than I planned. I don't even know what this is, but I hope you enjoy. I'm upping the rating just in case. It's probably going to turn into smut at some point anyway.


End file.
